Brandon's personal style (was)

[Brandon J. Van Every]

Michael Geary wrote:
>
> But my goodness! Now I can see what all the fuss was about. You even
> killfiled Doug Tolton,

Is Doug Tolton pure?  Let's see, what did I killfile him for... ah, here was
the first bit.

Doug Tolton wrote:
> On Mon, 11 Aug 2003 14:16:35 +0200, Max M <maxm at mxm.dk> wrote:
>> Bob Gailer wrote:
>>> What is "trolling"?
>
> Ugh...he got me.

So at this point, Doug has already decided that I'm a troll.  He hasn't
applied critical thinking, he's just running with the pack.  I responded,
explaining myself, but didn't killfile him.  Later on, Doug makes a post
that explicitly flames me and doesn't include any info about Python or Ruby
whatsoever.  He said I was ranting, whining, and begging, and he wasn't
trying to be at all useful about it.  So I killfiled him.  Surprised?

> who made some very insightful comments about
> the benefits of macros today in this Ruby thread.

So what?  Sometimes you forego information when the source is too much
trouble.  Besides, if it's a really really really great point, someone else
will reply to it and I'll see an executive summary indirectly.

> Brandon, learn to roll with the punches and have some fun with the
> rest of us.

I'm a pugilist.  If someone punches me, I'd sooner smash their face in and
be done with it.  There are so many other people to talk to that don't take
jabs at you.

> What good does it do *you* when you say to someone, "You
> said something I don't like. You failed to satisfy my needs in this
> conversation. I will never listen to anything you ever say again!"

Oh, I don't killfile people *forever*.  The first reprieve generally comes
at system reinstall.  When all the killfiles acidentally get wiped out, or I
change newsreaders, or something like that.  Everybody gets a second chance
at that point.  People who still insist on being trouble at that point, get
killfiled for many years.  I've known a few, like 2 or 3.  Even they mellow
out with age.  But that can be as long as 5 years.  At some point, such
people look back over those 5 years and realize I wasn't personally around
to be their whipping boy or irritant for most of that time.  So, they
realize it was them, not me.

> Would you do that in a face to face conversation? I didn't think so.

Most people don't have this much trouble face-to-face.  There's so much
extra information: tone, facial expression, body posture, hand gestures.
It's easier for people to take comments in the manner they were intended,
and it's easier for people to see they're pissing someone else off and back
down.  E-mail and newsgroups are inherently imperfect media, and I will not
try to change them.

> So try this: delete that silly killfile, cultivate the sense of humor
> you've shown in the rattlesnake thread--I knew you could do it!--and
> be willing to say, "Folks, I know I've been a bit abrasive and
> antagonistic in the past, and I apologize for that. I really would
> like to get a fresh start here and I'm curious to hear your thoughts
> on these questions."

No, I shall not.  I acknowledge and own my abrasion, I don't apologize for
it.  Nothing I say should be that tough for people to swallow.  But, there
are always people who are emotional and reactive, who think something big is
at stake.  I know these people are always out there... I recognize that I
reap what I sow.  But I will continue to sow.  Because I've tried the other
way, the polite way, the diplomatic way, and you know what?  People flame
anyways.  That has always been the pattern.  No matter what you say,
*someone* has to make a problem out of it.  And those people, they go in the
killfile and stay there.

Case in point: my first "What's better about Ruby than Python?" post.  I
explicitly said, this is not a troll.  Some chose to flame and accuse
anyways.  Such people are useless, there is nothing you can do with them.

> Fair enough?

My smiles are for those who smile.  Or for those who frown, but realize
their frown is a mirror.

-- 
Cheers,                         www.3DProgrammer.com
Brandon Van Every               Seattle, WA

20% of the world is real.
80% is gobbledygook we make up inside our own heads.